I smell stomach acid.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
