Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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