My first STD was from a foam party
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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