i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
