mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize