she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
