the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
