New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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