i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
