What did we do last night that was yellow?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
