Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize