I got chris browned last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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