went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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