I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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