My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
