The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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