i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.