Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?