Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.