I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.