I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Houston, we have a squirter
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.