so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
