Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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