go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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