living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
