my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
