just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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