I'm gonna have a badass scar
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
now i know why i became what i already was.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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