And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
