Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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