I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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