Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize