WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
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so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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