Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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