just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
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McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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