He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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