cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
