I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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