Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...