at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
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i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.