My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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