just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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