It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am available for nakedness
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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