he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize