Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize