ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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