I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
