She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
please don't ironically join a cult
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