my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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