ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize