the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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