I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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