Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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