Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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