I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
